


I take care of you, you take care of me.

by Winchester1989



Series: FNDN Verse [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, Benny is a sweetheart, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotionally Hurt Castiel, Firefighter Dean, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Librarian Castiel, M/M, Minor Injuries, Nightmares, Past Sexual Assault, Rape Recovery, Size Difference, Traumatized Castiel, Twink Castiel, netflix and no chill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 07:31:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9873434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winchester1989/pseuds/Winchester1989
Summary: This is the sequel to Friday Night, Date Night, although, if you wanted, it could be read as a stand-alone. However I do recommend reading the first story :)Castiel struggles with the aftermath of attempted rape.Dean tries to be there for him, but is having a hard time getting through to Castiel.When Dean gets hurt on the job, Castiel realizes that even thoughheneeds Dean, Dean needsCastieljust as much.





	

The water was soothing. It was making Castiel clean. He felt so dirty.  
He had been feeling dirty since that man hat put his hands on him. Castiel had been telling Dean that things were going better these last couple of weeks; the nightmares were getting less and he had even gone to the grocery store on his own yesterday.

Before that, he had been too afraid to go outside by himself, but it was a short walk and only took him fifteen minutes. He hadn’t told Dean that he almost had a panic attack. If Castiel were being perfectly honest, he would tell you that he didn’t want to go outside ever again. 

Castiel scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed, even putting a finger inside himself to wash there, too. It felt like the attacker’s saliva was still in there and Castiel just wanted everything _clean_.  
He washed his whole body three times, including his hair. It still wasn’t enough, but if he didn’t get out of the shower now, Dean would get suspicious.

As he was drying himself off, Dean knocked on the bathroom door.  
“Cas, you okay in there?”

“Fine, Dean. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

After wiping the fog off the mirror, he gripped the sink with both hands and stared at the gaunt face in front of him. There were heavy bags under his eyes, caused by sleep deprivation, hollowed cheeks from loss of appetite and long locks of hair. Castiel really needed to go to a hair dresser. He had no intention to become a High School Musical Zac Efron look-a-like, thank you very much.

After putting on his clothes and trying to comb out his unruly locks, he walked towards the kitchen, because he’d heard his boyfriend rattling with pans and pots.

“What are you cooking?” Castiel asked, trying to show an interest in the food, even though he was far from hungry.

“Some pasta, with cheese sauce and herbs. Added some bacon bits in, too.” Dean said, while looking at Castiel.

Cas didn’t like the way Dean was looking at him. It made him feel like a project. Like a little boy who can’t take care of himself, so his burly firefighter boyfriend has to rescue him from every Big Bad in the country.

“Sounds nice.” Castiel murmured, not looking back at Dean, but avoiding the gaze of the intense green eyes.

They sat down on the sofa, Netflix giving them some Sons of Anarchy, which made for a good distraction. Castiel didn’t want to talk. He knew Dean wanted to; but Castiel simply wasn’t ready.

“I start a 24 hour shift tomorrow morning at six. Just so you know.”  
Dean didn’t look up from his plate, not really expecting Castiel to even answer him.  
After the attack and the hours spent crying in each other’s arms, each man hadn’t touched the subject again.  
Castiel was too shocked that first week, but after those seven days bringing it up felt too heavy.  
He wanted to know what Dean was thinking and how the whole situation was affecting _him_ , but he simply couldn’t bring himself to ask.

They had moved in Castiel’s stuff a day after the attack. Castiel did feel at home, but he knew Dean and he would have to start working through this quickly.

“I saw. On the calendar,” was Castiel’s only reply.

“Are you going to be okay? This is the first time I’ve been at work so long since… You know.” Dean sighed.

As Castiel set down his plate, after having eaten barely anything, he tucked his knees under his chin.  
“I’ll be fine,” he mumbled.

~*~ 

Dean frowned as he saw that Cas had barely touched his food. Again. His boyfriend was neglecting himself severely and Dean felt helpless. There wasn’t anything he could do.  
He wanted to bring up getting professional help for Cas, but didn’t know how. He’d been wanting to talk to him for ages now, about how Castiel was feeling and if there was anything Dean could do to make things easier.

The nightmares had been getting less, but the insomnia was growing. There were bags under Castiel’s eyes, Dean could see them clearly. The already skinny man was now getting even smaller and it scared Dean. He needed a haircut and a shave.  
He was clean, though. Castiel thought he had been hiding it well, but Dean knew the younger man spent ages under the shower.  
He was afraid to ask why.

Getting in bed that evening was like every other night since the attack. Castiel would cling to him like he was a life line, but would never engage in anything more than kissing. Dean didn’t push; of course he didn’t push. He wanted Castiel to take his time to get over the trauma and if that meant no sex then he was fine with that. 

This evening was the same, Castiel snuggled his tiny frame so that he fit perfectly in the other man’s arms and reveled in being the little spoon.  
Dean only wished Cas would show this kind of affection during the day, too. Dean would not quickly admit it, but he too loved physical attention and was secretly a big fan of hugs. Castiel knew this, because before the attack, Castiel would hold his hand, hug him from behind as he was chopping up vegetables, snuggle up to him while they were watching TV.

All that had come to a halt and Dean would only get to touch Castiel when it was time to sleep.  
Not that Castiel did much sleeping; Dean’s best guess was that Castiel simply refused to give in to his fatigue, because of the nightmares.  
They hadn’t gotten less; Castiel just didn’t sleep.

Dean wished he could stay with his boyfriend for longer, but money had to be made and the fire station needed him.  
Tomorrow was his first 24 hour shift after the attack and he wished he could stay home.

The alarm went off way too early. 5 AM on the dot. Castiel turned it off for him, then stroked Dean’s cheek.  
“Morning handsome firefighter. It’s time to get out.”  
Dean just grumbled and rolled over, not at all happy to be awakened at this ungodly hour.  
He knew Castiel had been awake long before him, because the man was much too chipper at the moment.

“Come on Dean, time to get out. I’ll make you some breakfast.”  
And with that, the bed was suddenly empty and cold, leaving Dean no other option than to get out, himself.

He quickly showered and dressed, got his stuff for work and walked over to the kitchen. Castiel had a plate with some buttered toast, scrambled eggs and a cup of coffee waiting for him.  
Dean finished breakfast in five minutes, early mornings making him hungry.

Putting his empty coffee cup in the sink, Dean turned towards Castiel who was leaning against the kitchen counter.  
He needed to do this. He was going to be away for 24 hours. Good excuse, right?

He looked Castiel in the eyes and put his arms around his shoulders, pulling the younger man towards him. Dean mentally flinched when he could feel the other man’s bones and how much more smaller he had become, but he didn’t want Castiel to notice that.  
Castiel stiffened for a bit, but then melted into the embrace, letting the bigger man completely envelope him in his arms.

“I missed this.” Dean said, wanting Castiel to know that this was something he needed. He knew Castiel needed it too.  
“I’m glad you took the first step. I don’t know if I would have done this myself. But now it… I don’t know. Feels good. I guess.” Castiel mumbled into the other man’s chest.

“Then I wished I would have done it sooner, instead of now. Because I really have to leave.”

Castiel sighed and looked up at Dean. “Be safe, okay?” 

It was a short sentence, but they both knew the promise underneath. Dean had a dangerous job.

~*~

Castiel went back into bed after Dean left, snuggling into Dean’s side and pushing his nose in his boyfriends pillow. The scent of Dean was surrounding him, a poor substitute for the real thing.

He didn’t have to go to work; his boss had given him time off to recover, and Castiel knew he wasn’t ready yet.  
Castiel decided to call a hair dresser today for an appointment and try to clean around the apartment.

After a morning spent cleaning and laundering, Castiel laid down on the sofa, watching some TV with his eyes half open.

_Come here prettyboy… open up for me. Let me spit in you. Let me use you. I can see you squirm, but you like it.  
Don’t deny it, boy! _

_Tight hands were gripping his waist, holding him down. A knee pushed his thighs aside.  
His hands were limp beside his body. He tried to move them, but he couldn’t._

_One hand spread his ass cheeks, and he felt something warm trickle near his hole._  
_A finger gained entrance._  
_“Nice and tight. Just for me..”_  
_The finger was gone, but now something else was prodding at his entrance._  
_In one swift push, it went inside, pushing Castiel’s lithe body forwards and making the small man scream in pain and agony._

Castiel woke up gagging, sweating, disoriented and scared. The nightmare had been so real, so life like. The actual attack hadn’t even gone that far, so why would he dream about this?!  
After a few minutes, he had calmed down enough.

_To: Dean (5.24pm). Do you have time to call me?_

_**Incoming call: Dean** _

“Dean!”

_Cas, sweetheart, what’s wrong? Are you okay?_

“I just.. God it’s silly. Just a horrible nightmare. Had to hear your voice.”

_You know, you should really sleep at night. When I’m with you. Not during the day, and not when you’re alone. I wish I could be there right now, to comfort you._

“I wish you could too. God Dean, this whole thing shook me up much more than I thought. I feel so used, so dirty…”

_We will get through this, Cas. We will. I’ll be back tomorrow morning before you know it, okay?_

“There wouldn’t be a possibility for you to come home now, right?”

_I’m sorry sweetheart. There are two sick already, I can’t leave them understaffed. I mean, it’s the frikkin’ fire station. Besides, we need the money._

“Because _I’m_ not working, right?” Castiel sneered. He knew it was unfair and that he was acting like a chick, but he didn’t care. He was frustrated at the whole situation, shook up from the nightmare and right now Dean was an easy target to take it out on.

 _Jesus, Cas. You know that’s not what I meant._

“Not five minutes ago you said I should sleep at night. When you are with me. All I’m looking forward to now is an empty bed. Fuck that.” Castiel snarled. 

There was a silence on the other end of the line and Castiel knew he had gone too far.  
“Shit, sorry Dean, you know I.. I didn’t mean it. I know you have to work and I ju-“

_BEEP BEEP BEEP – Look Cas, I have to go, we’ll talk about this later._

*Click*

Castiel stared at the phone screen, guilt pouring through his every vein. He didn’t even get to say ‘stay safe.’

_To: Dean (5.41pm) Stay safe._

_To: Dean (6.20pm) Are you back yet? Did everything go okay?_

_To: Dean (6.56pm) Please call me when you get this._

_To: Dean (7.31 pm) I hope everything is okay. I saw the news about the fire. They said two firefighters were brought to the hospital with minor injuries. I hope one of them isn’t you. When you read this, please text or call me._

_To: Dean (7.59pm) Sometimes I’d wish they’d let you take your personal phone with you in the truck. I hope you’ll get back to the fire station soon. Or home._

_**Incoming call: Dean** _

“I’m so glad you called! Everything okay?”

_Castiel, this is Benny._

“Benny? Why are you calling with Dean’s cell?”

_Don’t freak out little man. Dean’s in the hospital, roof collapsed over him. He has some minor burns on his neck and back and a concussion. We got him out in time. He’s still asleep. Do you want me to pick you up? Dean told me you don’t go outside much._

Silence.

_Castiel? You with me?_

“Um. Yeah. Yeah, pick me up Benny. When can you be here?” Castiel croaked.

_Five minutes, go outside already._

“Okay.”

When Castiel entered the hospital room, Dean was still asleep. The doctors had explained that they kept him sedated because of pressure in his brain.  
Even though he knew the stuff surrounding him was helping Dean, all the tubes still freaked him out.

Grabbing a chair and pulling up towards the bed, Castiel clasped Dean’s limp hand and kissed every finger with soft lips.  
I. Love. You. Dean. Winchester.

He stroked his hand through Dean’s hair. He knew that he had relied on Dean for so much and that now the tables were turned. This big, manly man was always taking care of Castiel and in doing so had now gotten hurt.  
Castiel knew firefighting was Dean’s job, and he had done it many years before even being with Castiel; but still. Castiel felt responsible.

Now it was time to return the favor, and take care of Dean for once.

Castiel stayed with Dean the whole night and the following day.  
When the pressure in Dean’s cranium had finally reduced, they got him off the sedatives.

A while later, Dean woke up, groggy and disorientated.  
He sputtered because of the breathing tube, which was quickly removed by one of the nurses.  
Castiel cried through the whole process, immensely glad to hear Dean’s voice again, albeit it being roughened by smoke inhalation.  
“D-Dean..” he choked out, and immediately green eyes locked on to blue.

A soft smile graced Dean’s lips, and Dean scooted over on the bed, grimacing because of his burns.  
“Dean, don’t m-move, you’ll hu-hurt yourself..” Castiel sniffled.

“Come here.” Dean croaked and opened his arms.  
Castiel wouldn’t say no to that, and carefully climbed into bed. It fit easily, the small man hardly took up any space.

Dean held Castiel tight in his arms.  
“Don’t let the nurses see” he whispered.

Castiel produced at tiny giggle and felt Dean gripping him tighter because of that.  
Kissing Dean in his neck, Castiel was soon feeling droopy and nodded off. He needed the sleep after being awake day and night.

“So, when can I leave? Did the doctors say?” that was Dean. The rumbling of his chest woke Castiel up, but he pretended he was still asleep. It was too nice here, in the arms of his boyfriend.

“Couple of hours, brother. Is Castiel okay?” Ah. That was Benny.

“He will be. The assault messed with him, man. But we’re working on it.”

“He looks tired. Well, what do you expect. He was up with you the whole night and day. He’s a keeper, Dean.” 

He felt Dean kiss him on his forehead. “He sure is. He was exhausted even before all of this. Nightmares, insomnia. I’m hoping he can sleep some more hours here with me before we go home.” 

“That one nurse said it looked cute. They don’t mind.” Benny said.

“Even if they did, I’m not waking him up. He’s staying right here, with me. And we’ll work through everything, together.” Castiel felt Dean stroke his hair.  
It felt nice, homely, safe. He felt himself slipping away again, the bed and the arms of his boyfriend way too comfortable.

Waking up several hours later, was heaven. Dean was still holding him in his arms, stroking the back of his neck softly.  
“Time to go home, sweetheart.”  
Castiel whimpered, yes you read that right, _whimpered_ and nuzzled deeper into Dean’s chest.

Dean chuckled at that and kissed Castiel on top of his hair.

“Come on Cas. You need to take me home. I need my nurse.” 

“Nurse?” Castiel asked, the question muffled by Dean’s hospital gown.

“Yep. They said you have to wake me up every couple of hours because of the concussion and they’re going to show you how to redress my bandages on my burns.” 

“You learn something new every day.. “ Castiel yawned. He turned in the bed and looked up at Dean.

“God, I love you so much.” 

“Right back at you Cas.” 

“When Benny called I didn’t know what to think.”

“It’s okay now.” Dean whispered.

Castiel frowned. “Dean, I’m sorry. For what I said on the phone. I had no right to and I was being rude at you for no reason. You were the only person I could take it out on, and I shouldn’t have. I feel horr-“

Dean kissed him smack on the lips.  
“Don’t. Apologize. It’s. Okay.” 

“I’m still sorry though.” Castiel whispered.

“Then make it up to me.”

“What do you need, Dean?”

“I need you. The Castiel that wanted me. Go talk to someone. If you can’t talk to me about it, talk to a professional. Come back to me. I miss you hugging me all the time. Holding my hand. Cuddling on the couch. Having warm water under the shower. I need your touch. I need to know you’re with me.”

“ I always needed you. I’m never letting go. I’ll promise I’ll talk to someone. And we can shower.. together,” Castiel whispered.

“Sounds like a plan…” Dean said softly.

 

As they walked out of the hospital, Castiel grabbed Dean’s hand. Dean squeezed back.


End file.
